5 Great Marketing Ideas to Make Your Business a Failure

Contributed article in our entrepreneurial business series. Enjoy! – Kimberly

Failure - 1Like a shop tucked away up a side street, or a new restaurant hiding in a country lane, your business will fail unless you get it noticed. Without some kind of marketing strategy to get to as many people as possible (and as often as possible), your business could go to the wall within months. However, if you decide that this is the best way forward for your new business, here are a few ideas to help you stumble to business failure like so many other new businesses. Meet Stan, and his outdated views.


Whatever you do, do not consider your potential customers. Why on earth would I want to think about who my customers are and what they want? After all, doesn’t everybody want the same things as me? You have to realize, I have done a little research at the library? Deciding on a target clientele is obviously only for fools, and I am going to stick to my guns and either cater for everybody or only a tiny niche in the population.


Web what?? Why would I need one of those new-fangled things? It would probably be useless to have a well-designed website, hosted by an expert hosting service like BestWebHosting.co.uk telling the world about my business 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I told Jimmy down the pup, and he swears he will tell all his mates about my new venture sometime next week. Yes, I am better off without a website, especially as they seem to be going out of fashion so quickly.

Social Media

Don’t be silly. My son has Facebook and Twitter, and all he does is pointlessly link his friends to things he considers useful for them. Of course, I considered it, but how many people do you think actually use the internet to look for something to buy? The last time I tweeted I was playing a bird in the school play… and that’s the way I like it. Besides, there are only 2 or 3 social networking sites available.

E-mail Marketing

Why would I want to send spam to my customers? If they want to know about any new products or services I have, they can always pick up the phone and ask me about them. After all, if they aren’t interested, then why should I put any effort into it? Anyway, I don’t actually have an email account so it would be pointless. E-mail marketing is no better than cold calling, and there is no way real business people would want to pester their clients with things they may find useful like that; and neither would I.


Do I know my competition? What would be the point? I can’t change their business, and there is no way I’m going to change mine. Just because my competition seems to have cornered the market doesn’t mean I will change. I will never change my policy, my prices, or my outlook, no matter what my competition is or does. This is my business.

Stan may be fictitious, but his views are not. If you want to fail in business, you follow Stan’s lead, but if you don’t want to fail, perhaps the opposite view would be a better idea.

Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedinmailby feather

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.